The Words shared by My Dad That Rescued Me when I became a Brand-New Father

"I think I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience soon became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good place. You need some help. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a larger reluctance to talk amongst men, who continue to internalise harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a show of failure to request help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to take a respite - going on a short trip overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the expression of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible actions" when younger to alter how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a friend, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, staying active and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead give the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their issues, changed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."